Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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