Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
