just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He has the fingertips of a God
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