How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
