I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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