i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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