Taylor Swift is so right about you.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Reggie can tackle my bush.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
