You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
