Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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