I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
