dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
