Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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