i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
