just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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