I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize