At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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