He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
