Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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