if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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