she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
