My first STD was from a foam party
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
