Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
