About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
