is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
