is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Randomize
