I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You have to summon your inner elephant
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
