Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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