Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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