note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
