I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I didn't notice because vodka
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Randomize
