found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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