So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
