"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
