"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
she peed on how many people?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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