Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
