i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
