You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
