you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
