i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
