only if we run a train.
done.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I will pee on everything he values.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize