I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
