He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
