i wish starbucks made bloody marys
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
