That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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