After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You need a sexual gate keeper
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Randomize
