If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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