it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
