Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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