She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
