In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize