...so i touched it.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize