i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
