My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
