...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
