Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
i think i just lost a toe
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
