i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
wow bdsm is so cute
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
