i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
