Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I met the friendliest cop last night
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
