Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
