im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
