The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize