She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
