I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
