if you like me you must not know who I am
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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