Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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