I molested 6 butterflies tonight
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
