he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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