she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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