im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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