Ambien. No doubt about it.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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