So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
