My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
