You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
