So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Holy shit dude........stairs
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
