I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
A+ Viking dick
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
