im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
