next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
